Ok, so what’s up with this Microsoft Kinect thingy you ask? Some of us ghouls here at Reaper Towers decided to get drunk and give it a good old test run for ya all just so we could answer that very question. There are lots of reviews out there on the individual games for Kinect but were just going to share our experience with you and let ya take from it what you will… We had a go of Kinect Sports, Dance Central and Kinectimals… yep, I said Kinectimals! It might take awhile to get through our drunken night so I hope you enjoy the rundown.
The night began with a few vodkas followed by a pint of Guinness… Oh yeah, the games, well we first had to go through the whole Kinect setup. This was surprisingly painless as we got our Blind Side G to do all the work while the rest of us sat drinking, it was fun. The Kinect needed to be tuned for the light of the room, facial recognition, voice recognition, and general positioning. The instructions were so clear and straight forward that even a retard could follow them, which is why we had a spot of bother with lining up a cardboard picture card with the visuals onscreen… but that was not Kinect’s fault. All in all it was a lengthy but painless experience and even kind of interesting in a geeky way. Then we tried some of the navigation options, you can control certain parts of your dashboard by hand gestures and voice commands, this is a real novelty and will eventually be standard practice I imagine, although it is limited at the present. Never mind Kinect, cant wait till all TV's have this built in feature... It will happen people we are one step closer too the lazy mans Utopia!
So several drinks in and we were ready to play, first on the menu was Kinect Sports. Now this initially looks like a rip off of Wii Sports… and it is for the most part. The whole thing is cute and family friendly, barf! After playing god by making the crowd do some Mexican waves and creating fireworks on the menu screen we then tried to sort out the teams. The Kinect was pretty good at recognising us all individually which was cool but we had some trouble choosing a custom setup, maybe it was the booze kicking in but we couldn’t seem to change players without always having to quit out of a game and go to the main menu, which is fairly big flaw in the game design. That said you can have actual teams but we couldn’t quite figure that shit out either, regardless we ploughed on.
Bowling was first, being the perfect lads and beer type game and it was great fun. The responsiveness is impressive and it seems to really notice the curl of your arm in order to give some spin. Overall if felt quite realistic if perhaps a bit on the easy side, I even broke the floor of the ally with a sloppy throw, just like real life! The only issue occurred if you ended up putting your hand behind your back, the sensor didn’t like that and would botch the throw as a result which lead to many colourful abusive words… hopefully the Kinect isn’t sensitive to insults.
Next was some footy, it is basic stuff and would be pretty lame on your own but it was good fun in two player, mostly because we found that we were accidentally kicking each other in the process. It ended up with everyone cheating and pushing or just getting in the other persons way as much as possible, which was good laugh. The kicking was quite responsive but the goalies arm mimicking and general responsiveness wasn’t great unfortunately but again we can see the potential for future versions of this down the line. Overall it was great party fun and well worth playing with friends.
We then moved on to track and field… oh sweet Jesus was that hard! Running on the spot isn’t as fun as it looks, even the ‘Fit’ lads in the group were having trouble. I have one piece of advice for any male players, wear tight shorts for this! Lose boxers are not ideal because your ball bag will be bounced around to a painful level and it will cost you the race as you stop to grab your crotch in battered discomfort… I speak from experience. Also make sure that there are no wobbly tables or precariously placed items nearby cos the vibration of two people running on the spot sounds and vibrates like a herd of elephants. Nut and structural damage aside this is good fun but very exhausting and not for drunken unfit people.
With what little energy that was left we tried out the Javelin, Discus followed by the Long jump and then some nasty Hurdles. All were pretty fun with the Javelin being the most intuitive and easiest to control. The Discus was a bit of a letdown as instinctively we would reach back as far as possible to then throw the disc but the sensor was losing track of the throwing hand and the results were pathetic, partially the players fault but also partly the sensors too I recon as it should expect people to simulate the method that is on screen… partly the demon drink.
Long Jump was difficult to get the timing right and always felt a bit laggy on the jump part, we had to compensate and try jump earlier than the visual indicator in order to succeed. Hurdles were well tough and the running and jumping were surprisingly difficult to master but the responsiveness was better than some of the other games and again my balls we in agony… at this point we were feeling as energetic as the late John Candy, so we did the sensible thing and took a smoke break.
Some drink fuelled gaming debate ensued and then we got a second wind which gave us enough stamina to try out a bit of boxing. Personally this was the one I had been looking forward to and unfortunately it was the worst game in the pack. Yes you can dodge, upper cut and block but if your opponent is doing a ‘Macarena’ style punching then none of it matters. It just becomes a contest of who can Macarena the fastest, basically… it sucks and I was well disappointed. It’s better in single player but if you start getting pummelled then you know what to do… ehhh Macarena - yeah!
Table tennis was great and probably the most responsive game in the set. Putting spin and speed on the ball works well and once you learn how to serve properly the whole experience is very enjoyable… until your human opponent starts slapping you in the face by accident with their paddle hand, but at least the ball sack is safe in this one. At this point we were totally fooked and the thoughts of playing volley ball was a bridge too far… so we had more booze and smokes.
During our rest I wanted to have a go of Kinectimals, that’s the one with all the cuddly lion cubs… stop laughing at me!!! It was actually really, really good! You start off having to pick your cub and name the furry lil fecker, this of course resulted in many obscene ideas and much profanity which was good laugh in itself. Then we got a tutorial from some winged pixie type freak which was well done and great for the kiddies but not a bunch of drunken men… Eventually we got to actually play with our pet, teach it tricks and most fun of all play some mini games. It was really cool. Lying on the floor to copy you cat and playing catch really immerses you into the game world and you have that vibe of being a kid again. Driving, throwing and puzzle mini games make up most of the fun but there is a points and money structure in place so as you can advance through to new areas and buy new items for your pet, it’s a proper game not just a virtual petting zoo. Personally it is the best Kinect title I’ve seen or played to date. The game engine is great and very intuitive to use, plus, if you apply this control system to other more serious games you could have something very clever. Would you believe that we played Kinectimals for nearly two hours, everyone who watched was in fascination of the beautiful visuals and the entertaining game play, it really surprised all of us, plus the achievements were flowing like booze in a brothel, yay, score for me! Kinectimals is a bit of a guilty pleasure but it’s very relaxing to play and well worth investigating if only from a technical point of view. If you have a kid that would play this then get it and have a go yourself, if not then it’s unlikely you would really bother with Kinectimals, perhaps a rent if you’re having some buddies over and are interested in seeing the game mechanic while treating the gang to a good laugh.
After that little chill out secession we moved on to Dance Central, it was now about four am and we were well oiled. Everyone but me seems to love this and feel that it’s the best Kinect game out there… fine. Personally I don’t get it, don’t get me wrong it is quite good, I just don’t see it as the messiah of Kinect. Regardless, we had fun with it, the moves are complex enough depending on the song and the motion tracking works very well. There are good onscreen helpers to get you back into the rhythm when you’re having trouble and overall it is quite enjoyable depending on how much you like dancing in the first place. What is really cool is that it takes a movie of you at certain points of your limb wobbling mambo and plays it all back to you at the end of the song… this is a great source of slagging material and will have you doubled over in laughter as you get to see just how retarded you look as you flay about like a man on fire. M.C. Hammer... watch your back!
We were too physically pooped to take on Kinect Adventures by then so we will have to give you an update on that and a few of the other games we have for Kinect the next time we get to have a marathon game night. We did continue however, by playing Rockband 3 till about nine am and that was fab too! All in all we had a great night that left us looking forward to try out more Kinect and we were quite pleasantly surprised by the device.
I have always said that this controller less controller had great potential for future gaming. Just imagine in Mass Effect 4 if you could talk to the characters instead of choosing a text option or having to de-code puzzles of defuse bombs using your hands, all great possibilities that I’m sure will come in time. We were a bit dismissive of the current release titles prior to launch because it all looked a bit too cuddly and kiddie focused but we have to admit that perhaps it was a mistake to write them off too early. Although the technology involved in Kinect is not a particularly new one as parts of it has been used in other areas for years, it has now been cleverly harnessed for games and as a result Microsoft has surprised allot of gamers. Currently it is an interesting and fun device that is great for parties and family gaming but what it is capable of in the near future is what makes it truly exciting. So, to the hard core gamer I say… watch this space and never say never! Plus - watch you’re Balls!
Halo ReachBungie - Microsoft
Xbox 360Here we go again, more Halo, more hype, more sycophant followers, and more assholes online than in second life. Welcome to Reach! If you’re already a Halo head then chances are you have splashed the cash on this already but for those that are Halo haters, I say to you - read on brethren and perhaps we can change your mind… unlikely, but perhaps! So let’s get into it like a two dollar whore zipping up the spandex, lashing on the cheap perfume and guzzling STD medicine, to see if we can sell you an ageing but firm piece of action.
Halo has always been a game of two half’s, the story mode and the matchmaking mode, just like two hot Swedish twins - although they share the same elements they offer completely different experiences. Reach, more so than any other Halo game simply must be judged on these two modes being separated but there is one element that both share that I feel is this game’s greatest asset, but I will justify that later on. So let’s massage the elements that single and multiplayer have in common first shall we…
Spartans are now fully customizable but at a price. You can earn credits that will allow you to dress up your main dude in all sorts of hard man or woman accessorises - no high heels please! This is a nice touch and a good idea if all a lil bit ‘Barbie’ and you rarely notice any changes on other online players as either you or they are dead very quickly after an encounter, so it’s really just to make you feel unique, which is fine. These customisations also affect your story mode Spartan, which is cool and allows you to appreciate your great fashion taste during cut scenes. You also level up as you earn credits, more cash means more level and this is earned in all game areas, the story mode, fire fight mode and of course where most of you’re levelling up will be done, in the multiplayer mode.
There is little in the way of additions to weapons or vehicles, most have all been seen before in Halo 3 with a small handful of subtle additions and changes but it could be argued that this keeps things consistent with the oncoming story of Halo that follows, plus they are still great fun to use. Same goes for Covenant forces, it is mostly the usual breed of aliens with the only real change being their rank and armour, which does have a good verity but it would have been nice to have seen a few new creations rather that just alterations.
Combat is all very familiar too with only subtle changes. Your aiming reticule now indicates how sharp your aim on a target is and duel wielding has been done away with altogether, yeah it’s OK – don’t have a cow man! Truth is ya don’t miss it. The new addition of armour abilities is a welcome one and it replaces the ‘deployment’ options of Halo 3. This is probably Reach’s strongest and freshest quality and it allows a player more diverse ways of facing an enemy. Armour lock, sprinting, bubble shields, invisibility, decoy and the best one, jet pack are some of the options for Spartans in both modes and for Elites in the multiplayer. These come in very useful in all areas of the game giving you an upper hand in combat or for just saving your ass. Ultimately it depends on your strategy and the weapons you choose to complement these armour abilities, the right set and a bit of skill can make you a fierce combatant.
Visually Reach looks the best so far, as you might expect. Human character models in the campaign are way better than in ODST which isn’t saying much but they are generally quite convincing. Effects, scenery, levels all look nicely polished and help set the atmosphere well with the aid of some immersive sound and music. Bungie being the high quality production house that they are you would expect no less and in fairness to them, they consistently deliver the fundamentals very well.
Remember I mentioned one great asset to beat them all, well here it is and although it’s a cheeky cheat on Bungies behalf, I felt it is the stroke of genius that has made Halo Reach so enjoyable… its level design! Now, now, don’t scoff. Yes, most of the multiplayer maps are from the story mode levels, yes that saves allot of redevelopment time and money while lacking variety but it actually has worked a treat because they are so well balanced and thought-out. Each one is very different to the next and I found myself admiring the subtle genius of each map in both modes. It is an easy element to get wrong so to get it right and for the maps to work so well for two distinct different game modes takes some clever design! There are also some exclusively online maps and for the most part these also work very well. In my opinion these are some of the best levels that Bungie have created to date!
So now let’s roll this hussy over and look at the campaign side of Reach. The story puts you in the shoes of ‘six’ a Spartan replacing an empty spot within ‘Noble’ team, which I thought was a crap, pansy name for a bunch of hard assed Spartans. Regardless, this is your lot and the team is made up of five other different stereotyped personalities, they are ok, their just a bit typical. Over the campaign you get to know each one a bit better but the truth is they are really just backup to get you through the game and add a bit of texture to the myth of the Spartans, which is fine but nothing wow really.
The backdrop story has mankind ripping itself apart with the colonists of space rebelling against the government, initially this is why you are even on the planet, to kick some terrorist booty, but it is soon revealed that Reach is actually under Covenant attack with a greater invasion on the way. The dirty aliens intend on wiping the planet clean of human meat heads and until the UNSC get their shit together and arrive to defend, you and whatever military currently stationed on the doomed surface are all that is left to fight back… your fucked and the rest is classified! I can’t tell you what else happens without spoilers, I can tell you there are appearances from some familiar faces that were in earlier Halo’s including the big Chief himself and that the ending is satisfying and even a little sad in a way! Keep your eyes peeled after the credits finish - that's all I'm saying... The rest needs to be played to be appreciated, oh and you lose, the aliens kick our ass… it was a waste of time, despite the near saves and your heroic efforts, the planet is still screwed! Ha!
I will say that I found the single player experience very enjoyable, more so than Halo 3 and I rather enjoyed the twists of the story and the locations it lead me through. Game play is generally hectic, fast paced combat with little to complain about, a solid fare.
There is a nice variety between vehicle combat levels and land based missions with nicely placed checkpoints along the way. It does become a try and learn system to get through a map but this can be said of most modern shooters and it is not an annoyance by any means just a little repetitive perhaps. NPC’s are pretty useless, being little more than human shields and the same goes for any ‘Noble Team’ dummy that you team up with but at least they can’t die. Forget about letting anyone else drive a vehicle, they need ‘L’ plates and are totally retarded behind the wheel, a chimp could do better! By a very unbalanced comparison the enemy AI is very good and depending on the difficulty setting they will have you gritting your teeth after being stuck with a plasma nade. They have also become great at dodging attacks and flanking, those dammed dirty aliens! Best of all, they can drive!! Properly!! Guess their driving lessons are better than Earths eh!
The overall atmosphere is strong and will draw you in enough so as you can’t hear the miss’s shouting at you to take out the trash. The closer you get to the ending the better the draw into a thin but enjoyable story becomes. It has its flaws too, there isn’t much it the way of boss battle types just waves and waves of mixed enemies and the new space dog fights are more of a short novelty than a long enjoyable romp, all pretty minor issues.
Overall I felt Reach’s story mode rubbed me up the right way and although it left me wanting more I will remember the experience fondly and re visit it in my head over and over, dirty thoughts! I haven’t enjoyed a shooter this much since Half Life 2 but perhaps that’s a subjective issue I guess… I’m not saying it’s the best game ever I’m just saying it’s a shit load of fun!
As enjoyable as the single player was it is the backside of this game! Where Halo truly has its money shot is in the multi player. I have already raved about the level design which is a big factor to any online experience but when you add some extremely clever game types, a fire fight mode and a bolloc load of customisation options, not to mention the level editor ‘Forge’, you have a tight lil package that is ready to please in every way possible. There is a great variety of familiar and new game types, the likes of the new ‘Headhunter’ has you picking up dead players skulls and trying to deposit them for points, it is just so fucking fun! Then there’s Invasion where a team of Spartans face off against a team of Elites and thrash it out. Throw in a map like ‘Spire’ and things get really, really mad! SWAT has you going for one shot one kill head shots and is the closest any Halo game is likely to get to the mighty ‘counter strike’.
There is also the usual big team and general slayer matches making this the best online Halo experience yet. The usual video editing options are there so you can share you finest moments on Bungie.net plus you can build your own crazy golf course and start whacking around your balls in forge, if that’s what tickles your daddy bag.
There is also fire fight mode which is hectic fun to play with friends or to just sharpen your skills. It is fully customisable, so if you want invincibility and skulls, fine, just turn em on it the options! There are even filters to help you try and weed out all the douche bags online or indeed to find them and compete in some ‘your momma’ type discussions! You can also register on Bungie.net and keep track of all your career stats which is fun and you may be entitled to have a special icon on you name tag as a result, depending on your past Halo experiences, all nice little extras.
There is just loads in the multiplayer portion of Reach, it will keep you oiled up and happy for ages and I have to say, yet again this is the most fun multiplayer experience I have had online in quite a while! That said, it is a shame that Bungie still have not addressed the issue of players dropping during a match, leaving everyone else shorthanded and set up for a loss. Sure there’s some bullshit penalty imposed on the dropper, nothing major mind you. Why could they not have looked into the Modern Warfare method eh? One man drops another enters soon after to take his place… arg. One big flaw, ya hear me Bungie?? Eh!!
All in all, Halo Reach is a quality title and gives you a lot of bang for your buck. Despite its few flaws and lack of originality it is the same Bungie balanced goodness it has always been but tweaked, perfected and improved. As Bungie’s last Halo game (so they say… hmmm) it is a good way for them to finish the series but still leave us wanting more. The Xbox will be a much duller place without Bungies Halo so enjoy it while it’s hot! If you didn’t like previous Halo titles then it is unlikely this will change it for you but ya sure as shit won’t know unless you try it, will ya?! For Halo fans this is more of the same but a bit better balanced, toned and firmed up, you will love it! Just like our two dollar whore with a crap name, this Halo will give a good old ‘Reach’ around to please and keep you up all night only to leave you wanting more, more, more!
Buy it and buy it now!!!
Halo 3 ODST Xbox 360Bungie MicrosoftThe Halo franchise is to Microsoft as Mario has been to Nintendo. They have both been milked for every penny possible with merchandising and sequels but the question is – is it running out of steam? Halo 3 ODST is the latest offering from Bungie. Backed by a massive marketing campaign and the general hype machine, it is a sure success regardless of its quality. But what is the truth? Is it as disappointing as comparing a real life ‘Big Mac’ to its pretty photo on the menu board or is it a succulent delight to sink your choppers into? Read on…
Originally ‘Halo 3 Recon’ was set to be a DLC add-on but it grew during creation to become its own title and was then named – ‘Halo 3 ODST’, personally I thought ‘Recon’ was better… but never mind. The important thing is that it was being made by Bungie and is set in the Halo universe. Of course this story is about the ODST, not mister big pants John Spartan, so don’t expect the exact same Halo experience as before. ODST means “Orbital Drop Shock Trooper” which is basically an overly clever way of saying ‘Special Forces’ but not special enough to be Spartans, think X Factor contestants that don’t make the final round…
When you strip off the cellophane and crack open that green plastic box you’ll notice two discs, one is the ODST campaign, the other is a collection of all Halo 3 multiplayer maps available to date along with the new ODST multi player levels. If you are a long time Halo player you will piss all over this as it is likely that Bungie has already fleeced you for these maps in the past, if you are a Halo virgin then you are in for a massive fun filled online romp. The campaign disc also holds one of the most promising features of this whole package called ‘Firefight Mode’ (which we’ll come back to) along with access for next years ‘Halo Reach’ beta. Quite a bit in one package depending on your perspective but ultimately the issue remains – is the actual game any good? The answer is Yes… and No!
When I first put the disc into the machine and began the campaign I have to say that it was disappointing. The first game sequence was less than impressive for a start… It involves being introduced to the team, being called ‘Rookie’ alot and bearing witness to the beginning of a cheesy love story. The player models and animation did not look like the usual Bungie brilliance, the character ‘Buck’ who is voiced and visually based on actor ‘Nathan Fillion’ (from the hit series Fire Fly) resembles a burn victim on day release, in fact the whole cast of pixel people just don’t look… right. However I was more concerned about the actual game play and soldiered on.
Thankfully the visuals, animations and characters are back to top notch form during in game play and the streets of ‘New Mombassa’ the African city setting for the tale, is also impressive and convincing. The world can be viewed through normal eyes or through the new ‘VISR’ mode which is futuristic night vision and works very well. There are new weapons in the form of a silenced rifle – weak but fun to use and a powerful hand gun that makes short work of alien heads, feeling more like a sniper pistol than your run of the mill hand gun. You have no shield and have to seek out health packs when injured, much like in the first Halo and all the familiar baddies are out for your blood but are a bit tougher and smarter than before.
The structure of the game is quite atmospheric and will have you roaming the city streets looking for clues on what happened to the rest of your squad upon arrival. Initially I found this clever, hiding in shadows and avoiding enemies when out of ammo did feel like a sneak em up but everything gets boring when repeated, roaming through deserted streets and buildings while fragging enemy patrols gets old, its like ‘Groundhog Day’ and becomes that unpleasant claustrophobic corridor scenario that all gamers know and hate so well. When you do find the clue, you are then transported into past events involving the ODST trooper related to that clue, again the first missions were a bit ‘more of the same’ type of play and I was quickly losing interest in this ‘bigger than Jesus’ title, but I persevered and thankfully so. Later the ‘Clue’ missions began to flower and turn into a garden of blood dripping roses. Vehicle levels became available and wide open spaces replaced the corridors of urban warfare, the game had taken a turn for the better and my enthusiasm was peaked to what it should have been from the start. Later levels really shine and can be quite challenging, making strategy more important then bare faced shoot outs, some have a flavour of the Halo 3 multiplayer maps and are totally satisfying. Even the Rookie city missions improved and the narrow spaces didn’t seem so bad. The storyline got richer and I began to hear angels play trumpets… Basically it all came out good in the wash. It adds little depth to the Halo Universe with the story but nor is it a problem, it is pleasant enough to follow but irrelevant for the most part. It’s no ‘Band of Brothers’ anyway!
The addition of four player co-op makes it an even better experience especially on the open area maps. Any setting lower than Legendary is a bit easy and the odd bug here and there might piss you off but overall the single player campaign is a deffo play for FPS or Halo lovers, although I don’t think its enough to convert many new players to the Hip world of Halo. Firefight mode is basically a survival setup similar to ‘Horde Mode’ in Gears of War 2 by way of concept. One to four players can team up to survive waves of Covenant attacks while scoring points for their efforts but it’s by invite only not a matchmaking setup, so you need to team up with buddies to enjoy the full experience. This is great, working as a team is important and the constant action is like a pixel drug that will have you cursing like a true marine. This feature saves ODST from seeming anorexic and will provide many additional hours of play… thankfully! It will get boring eventually unless there are plans to add new maps down the road (educated guess is – Yep, I recon they will, at a price!) but it is a solid experience as is.
The second disc containing the Halo 3 and ODST maps is good value for the Halo virgins but for the Halo scholars all you really get is the new ODST maps and the convenience of having everything multi player related on the one disc… so it’s a matter of perspective if this is a good deal or not. There are three ODST maps - Heretic, Longshore, and Citadel. They are all nicley done and have some new strategic elements to them but really it just adds some extra variety and nothing very new except the weapons. Luke warm stuff really!
The bottom line is that it’s a DLC add on that dreamed of being a full stand alone title and nearly made it - but not quite! It’s a good experience and a must for Halo fans but is not at the quality level for the hype it received. Multi player extras are good or bad depending but most Halo gamers will feel ripped off by this setup. The inclusion of fire fight mode is a good idea and perhaps the strongest feature here but not enough to justify Halo 3 ODST being its own boss It’s a glorified add-on that really should have been available to download in segments that suit the gamer just like the Fallout 3 expansions were. Worth the price of a full title? No! Worth playing – Yes! Get it second hand, rent it or better still, wait for it to appear as DLC. (I bet its part of the greedy marketing strategy to come). Just like a fast food buger it’s over priced, smaller than its menu picture but tasty for a short time and will leave you hungry for more… it’s no whopper, more like a cheeseburger! Do better next time bungie – eat it!
Reapers Verdict: Good for Halo newbees - A rip off for Halo veterns - Worth a play either way!
Ok, so what’s up with this Microsoft Kinect thingy you ask? Some of us ghouls here at Reaper Towers decided to get drunk and give it a good old test run for ya all just so we could answer that very question. There are lots of reviews out there on the individual games for Kinect but were just going to share our experience with you and let ya take from it what you will… We had a go of Kinect Sports, Dance Central and Kinectimals… yep, I said Kinectimals! It might take awhile to get through our drunken night so I hope you enjoy the rundown.
The night began with a few vodkas followed by a pint of Guinness… Oh yeah, the games, well we first had to go through the whole Kinect setup. This was surprisingly painless as we got our Blind Side G to do all the work while the rest of us sat drinking, it was fun. The Kinect needed to be tuned for the light of the room, facial recognition, voice recognition, and general positioning. The instructions were so clear and straight forward that even a retard could follow them, which is why we had a spot of bother with lining up a cardboard picture card with the visuals onscreen… but that was not Kinect’s fault. All in all it was a lengthy but painless experience and even kind of interesting in a geeky way. Then we tried some of the navigation options, you can control certain parts of your dashboard by hand gestures and voice commands, this is a real novelty and will eventually be standard practice I imagine, although it is limited at the present. Never mind Kinect, cant wait till all TV's have this built in feature... It will happen people we are one step closer too the lazy mans Utopia!
So several drinks in and we were ready to play, first on the menu was Kinect Sports. Now this initially looks like a rip off of Wii Sports… and it is for the most part. The whole thing is cute and family friendly, barf! After playing god by making the crowd do some Mexican waves and creating fireworks on the menu screen we then tried to sort out the teams. The Kinect was pretty good at recognising us all individually which was cool but we had some trouble choosing a custom setup, maybe it was the booze kicking in but we couldn’t seem to change players without always having to quit out of a game and go to the main menu, which is fairly big flaw in the game design. That said you can have actual teams but we couldn’t quite figure that shit out either, regardless we ploughed on. 
Bowling was first, being the perfect lads and beer type game and it was great fun. The responsiveness is impressive and it seems to really notice the curl of your arm in order to give some spin. Overall if felt quite realistic if perhaps a bit on the easy side, I even broke the floor of the ally with a sloppy throw, just like real life! The only issue occurred if you ended up putting your hand behind your back, the sensor didn’t like that and would botch the throw as a result which lead to many colourful abusive words… hopefully the Kinect isn’t sensitive to insults.
Next was some footy, it is basic stuff and would be pretty lame on your own but it was good fun in two player, mostly because we found that we were accidentally kicking each other in the process. It ended up with everyone cheating and pushing or just getting in the other persons way as much as possible, which was good laugh. The kicking was quite responsive but the goalies arm mimicking and general responsiveness wasn’t great unfortunately but again we can see the potential for future versions of this down the line. Overall it was great party fun and well worth playing with friends. 
We then moved on to track and field… oh sweet Jesus was that hard! Running on the spot isn’t as fun as it looks, even the ‘Fit’ lads in the group were having trouble. I have one piece of advice for any male players, wear tight shorts for this! Lose boxers are not ideal because your ball bag will be bounced around to a painful level and it will cost you the race as you stop to grab your crotch in battered discomfort… I speak from experience. Also make sure that there are no wobbly tables or precariously placed items nearby cos the vibration of two people running on the spot sounds and vibrates like a herd of elephants. Nut and structural damage aside this is good fun but very exhausting and not for drunken unfit people. 
With what little energy that was left we tried out the Javelin, Discus followed by the Long jump and then some nasty Hurdles. All were pretty fun with the Javelin being the most intuitive and easiest to control. The Discus was a bit of a letdown as instinctively we would reach back as far as possible to then throw the disc but the sensor was losing track of the throwing hand and the results were pathetic, partially the players fault but also partly the sensors too I recon as it should expect people to simulate the method that is on screen… partly the demon drink.
Long Jump was difficult to get the timing right and always felt a bit laggy on the jump part, we had to compensate and try jump earlier than the visual indicator in order to succeed. Hurdles were well tough and the running and jumping were surprisingly difficult to master but the responsiveness was better than some of the other games and again my balls we in agony… at this point we were feeling as energetic as the late John Candy, so we did the sensible thing and took a smoke break.
Some drink fuelled gaming debate ensued and then we got a second wind which gave us enough stamina to try out a bit of boxing. Personally this was the one I had been looking forward to and unfortunately it was the worst game in the pack. Yes you can dodge, upper cut and block but if your opponent is doing a ‘Macarena’ style punching then none of it matters. It just becomes a contest of who can Macarena the fastest, basically… it sucks and I was well disappointed. It’s better in single player but if you start getting pummelled then you know what to do… ehhh Macarena - yeah!
Table tennis was great and probably the most responsive game in the set. Putting spin and speed on the ball works well and once you learn how to serve properly the whole experience is very enjoyable… until your human opponent starts slapping you in the face by accident with their paddle hand, but at least the ball sack is safe in this one. At this point we were totally fooked and the thoughts of playing volley ball was a bridge too far… so we had more booze and smokes. 
During our rest I wanted to have a go of Kinectimals, that’s the one with all the cuddly lion cubs… stop laughing at me!!! It was actually really, really good! You start off having to pick your cub and name the furry lil fecker, this of course resulted in many obscene ideas and much profanity which was good laugh in itself. Then we got a tutorial from some winged pixie type freak which was well done and great for the kiddies but not a bunch of drunken men… Eventually we got to actually play with our pet, teach it tricks and most fun of all play some mini games. It was really cool. Lying on the floor to copy you cat and playing catch really immerses you into the game world and you have that vibe of being a kid again. Driving, throwing and puzzle mini games make up most of the fun but there is a points and money structure in place so as you can advance through to new areas and buy new items for your pet, it’s a proper game not just a virtual petting zoo. Personally it is the best Kinect title I’ve seen or played to date. The game engine is great and very intuitive to use, plus, if you apply this control system to other more serious games you could have something very clever. Would you believe that we played Kinectimals for nearly two hours, everyone who watched was in fascination of the beautiful visuals and the entertaining game play, it really surprised all of us, plus the achievements were flowing like booze in a brothel, yay, score for me! Kinectimals is a bit of a guilty pleasure but it’s very relaxing to play and well worth investigating if only from a technical point of view. If you have a kid that would play this then get it and have a go yourself, if not then it’s unlikely you would really bother with Kinectimals, perhaps a rent if you’re having some buddies over and are interested in seeing the game mechanic while treating the gang to a good laugh.
After that little chill out secession we moved on to Dance Central, it was now about four am and we were well oiled. Everyone but me seems to love this and feel that it’s the best Kinect game out there… fine. Personally I don’t get it, don’t get me wrong it is quite good, I just don’t see it as the messiah of Kinect. Regardless, we had fun with it, the moves are complex enough depending on the song and the motion tracking works very well. There are good onscreen helpers to get you back into the rhythm when you’re having trouble and overall it is quite enjoyable depending on how much you like dancing in the first place. What is really cool is that it takes a movie of you at certain points of your limb wobbling mambo and plays it all back to you at the end of the song… this is a great source of slagging material and will have you doubled over in laughter as you get to see just how retarded you look as you flay about like a man on fire. M.C. Hammer... watch your back!
We were too physically pooped to take on Kinect Adventures by then so we will have to give you an update on that and a few of the other games we have for Kinect the next time we get to have a marathon game night. We did continue however, by playing Rockband 3 till about nine am and that was fab too! All in all we had a great night that left us looking forward to try out more Kinect and we were quite pleasantly surprised by the device.
I have always said that this controller less controller had great potential for future gaming. Just imagine in Mass Effect 4 if you could talk to the characters instead of choosing a text option or having to de-code puzzles of defuse bombs using your hands, all great possibilities that I’m sure will come in time. We were a bit dismissive of the current release titles prior to launch because it all looked a bit too cuddly and kiddie focused but we have to admit that perhaps it was a mistake to write them off too early. Although the technology involved in Kinect is not a particularly new one as parts of it has been used in other areas for years, it has now been cleverly harnessed for games and as a result Microsoft has surprised allot of gamers. Currently it is an interesting and fun device that is great for parties and family gaming but what it is capable of in the near future is what makes it truly exciting. So, to the hard core gamer I say… watch this space and never say never! Plus - watch you’re Balls!
