The Quick Kinect Overview - Drunken Edition!

Ok, so what’s up with this Microsoft Kinect thingy you ask? Some of us ghouls here at Reaper Towers decided to get drunk and give it a good old test run for ya all just so we could answer that very question. There are lots of reviews out there on the individual games for Kinect but were just going to share our experience with you and let ya take from it what you will… We had a go of Kinect Sports, Dance Central and Kinectimals… yep, I said Kinectimals! It might take awhile to get through our drunken night so I hope you enjoy the rundown.

The night began with a few vodkas followed by a pint of Guinness… Oh yeah, the games, well we first had to go through the whole Kinect setup. This was surprisingly painless as we got our Blind Side G to do all the work while the rest of us sat drinking, it was fun. The Kinect needed to be tuned for the light of the room, facial recognition, voice recognition, and general positioning. The instructions were so clear and straight forward that even a retard could follow them, which is why we had a spot of bother with lining up a cardboard picture card with the visuals onscreen… but that was not Kinect’s fault. All in all it was a lengthy but painless experience and even kind of interesting in a geeky way. Then we tried some of the navigation options, you can control certain parts of your dashboard by hand gestures and voice commands, this is a real novelty and will eventually be standard practice I imagine, although it is limited at the present. Never mind Kinect, cant wait till all TV's have this built in feature... It will happen people we are one step closer too the lazy mans Utopia!

So several drinks in and we were ready to play, first on the menu was Kinect Sports. Now this initially looks like a rip off of Wii Sports… and it is for the most part. The whole thing is cute and family friendly, barf! After playing god by making the crowd do some Mexican waves and creating fireworks on the menu screen we then tried to sort out the teams. The Kinect was pretty good at recognising us all individually which was cool but we had some trouble choosing a custom setup, maybe it was the booze kicking in but we couldn’t seem to change players without always having to quit out of a game and go to the main menu, which is fairly big flaw in the game design. That said you can have actual teams but we couldn’t quite figure that shit out either, regardless we ploughed on.

Bowling was first, being the perfect lads and beer type game and it was great fun. The responsiveness is impressive and it seems to really notice the curl of your arm in order to give some spin. Overall if felt quite realistic if perhaps a bit on the easy side, I even broke the floor of the ally with a sloppy throw, just like real life! The only issue occurred if you ended up putting your hand behind your back, the sensor didn’t like that and would botch the throw as a result which lead to many colourful abusive words… hopefully the Kinect isn’t sensitive to insults.

Next was some footy, it is basic stuff and would be pretty lame on your own but it was good fun in two player, mostly because we found that we were accidentally kicking each other in the process. It ended up with everyone cheating and pushing or just getting in the other persons way as much as possible, which was good laugh. The kicking was quite responsive but the goalies arm mimicking and general responsiveness wasn’t great unfortunately but again we can see the potential for future versions of this down the line. Overall it was great party fun and well worth playing with friends.

We then moved on to track and field… oh sweet Jesus was that hard! Running on the spot isn’t as fun as it looks, even the ‘Fit’ lads in the group were having trouble. I have one piece of advice for any male players, wear tight shorts for this! Lose boxers are not ideal because your ball bag will be bounced around to a painful level and it will cost you the race as you stop to grab your crotch in battered discomfort… I speak from experience. Also make sure that there are no wobbly tables or precariously placed items nearby cos the vibration of two people running on the spot sounds and vibrates like a herd of elephants. Nut and structural damage aside this is good fun but very exhausting and not for drunken unfit people.

With what little energy that was left we tried out the Javelin, Discus followed by the Long jump and then some nasty Hurdles. All were pretty fun with the Javelin being the most intuitive and easiest to control. The Discus was a bit of a letdown as instinctively we would reach back as far as possible to then throw the disc but the sensor was losing track of the throwing hand and the results were pathetic, partially the players fault but also partly the sensors too I recon as it should expect people to simulate the method that is on screen… partly the demon drink.

Long Jump was difficult to get the timing right and always felt a bit laggy on the jump part, we had to compensate and try jump earlier than the visual indicator in order to succeed. Hurdles were well tough and the running and jumping were surprisingly difficult to master but the responsiveness was better than some of the other games and again my balls we in agony… at this point we were feeling as energetic as the late John Candy, so we did the sensible thing and took a smoke break.

Some drink fuelled gaming debate ensued and then we got a second wind which gave us enough stamina to try out a bit of boxing. Personally this was the one I had been looking forward to and unfortunately it was the worst game in the pack. Yes you can dodge, upper cut and block but if your opponent is doing a ‘Macarena’ style punching then none of it matters. It just becomes a contest of who can Macarena the fastest, basically… it sucks and I was well disappointed. It’s better in single player but if you start getting pummelled then you know what to do… ehhh Macarena - yeah!

Table tennis was great and probably the most responsive game in the set. Putting spin and speed on the ball works well and once you learn how to serve properly the whole experience is very enjoyable… until your human opponent starts slapping you in the face by accident with their paddle hand, but at least the ball sack is safe in this one. At this point we were totally fooked and the thoughts of playing volley ball was a bridge too far… so we had more booze and smokes.

During our rest I wanted to have a go of Kinectimals, that’s the one with all the cuddly lion cubs… stop laughing at me!!! It was actually really, really good! You start off having to pick your cub and name the furry lil fecker, this of course resulted in many obscene ideas and much profanity which was good laugh in itself. Then we got a tutorial from some winged pixie type freak which was well done and great for the kiddies but not a bunch of drunken men… Eventually we got to actually play with our pet, teach it tricks and most fun of all play some mini games. It was really cool. Lying on the floor to copy you cat and playing catch really immerses you into the game world and you have that vibe of being a kid again. Driving, throwing and puzzle mini games make up most of the fun but there is a points and money structure in place so as you can advance through to new areas and buy new items for your pet, it’s a proper game not just a virtual petting zoo. Personally it is the best Kinect title I’ve seen or played to date. The game engine is great and very intuitive to use, plus, if you apply this control system to other more serious games you could have something very clever. Would you believe that we played Kinectimals for nearly two hours, everyone who watched was in fascination of the beautiful visuals and the entertaining game play, it really surprised all of us, plus the achievements were flowing like booze in a brothel, yay, score for me! Kinectimals is a bit of a guilty pleasure but it’s very relaxing to play and well worth investigating if only from a technical point of view. If you have a kid that would play this then get it and have a go yourself, if not then it’s unlikely you would really bother with Kinectimals, perhaps a rent if you’re having some buddies over and are interested in seeing the game mechanic while treating the gang to a good laugh.

After that little chill out secession we moved on to Dance Central, it was now about four am and we were well oiled. Everyone but me seems to love this and feel that it’s the best Kinect game out there… fine. Personally I don’t get it, don’t get me wrong it is quite good, I just don’t see it as the messiah of Kinect. Regardless, we had fun with it, the moves are complex enough depending on the song and the motion tracking works very well. There are good onscreen helpers to get you back into the rhythm when you’re having trouble and overall it is quite enjoyable depending on how much you like dancing in the first place. What is really cool is that it takes a movie of you at certain points of your limb wobbling mambo and plays it all back to you at the end of the song… this is a great source of slagging material and will have you doubled over in laughter as you get to see just how retarded you look as you flay about like a man on fire. M.C. Hammer... watch your back!

We were too physically pooped to take on Kinect Adventures by then so we will have to give you an update on that and a few of the other games we have for Kinect the next time we get to have a marathon game night. We did continue however, by playing Rockband 3 till about nine am and that was fab too! All in all we had a great night that left us looking forward to try out more Kinect and we were quite pleasantly surprised by the device.

I have always said that this controller less controller had great potential for future gaming. Just imagine in Mass Effect 4 if you could talk to the characters instead of choosing a text option or having to de-code puzzles of defuse bombs using your hands, all great possibilities that I’m sure will come in time. We were a bit dismissive of the current release titles prior to launch because it all looked a bit too cuddly and kiddie focused but we have to admit that perhaps it was a mistake to write them off too early. Although the technology involved in Kinect is not a particularly new one as parts of it has been used in other areas for years, it has now been cleverly harnessed for games and as a result Microsoft has surprised allot of gamers. Currently it is an interesting and fun device that is great for parties and family gaming but what it is capable of in the near future is what makes it truly exciting. So, to the hard core gamer I say… watch this space and never say never! Plus - watch you’re Balls!

Dead Rising 2 - A soggy stump or a good meat beater?!

Dead Rising 2
Capcom
Xbox 360 - PS3 - PC











Ah yes, Vegas – the home of games, whores, gamblers and now zombies! Is there anything it doesn’t have? Dead Rising 2 is set in this wonderful dust bowl paradise city of sin and sensuality, it leads on from Dead Rising where the journalist Frank West survived the zombie filled town of ‘Willamette’ to spread the truth about the walking bags of shit. Then we had the prequel demo of Case Zero to slot in nicely between them like a hot dog in a bun, oops pardon! So strap on your chainsaw and load up that shotgun cos its time to paint the town in zombie coloured blood and guts… again.

Any who played Case Zero will know some of what to expect in terms of game play and the basic story line. You are Chuck Green, an ex-motor cross legend who has just escaped certain death with his young daughter Katy, only to be stranded in a Shitville town full of zombies with the military on route to flatten the place, escape is the only way to survive... Jump forward a few years into Dead Rising 2 and we meet Chuck in Fortune City where he is now scraping together money to buy ‘Zombrex’ for his daughter Katy who is always just a day away from becoming a midget meat sack with teeth. Chucks wife has previously been zombified and was the one who bit the kid, thanks Mom! We can only presume that Chucky put a bullet in his wife’s skull soon after that… marital bliss eh. Our Hero earns money for this drug by taking part in the ‘Terror is Reality’ (TIR) TV game show that uses zombies as cannon fodder for a variety of competitions. All is going reasonably well for a few years but then something happens, the zombies escape and infest all of Fortune City.

Chuck is framed as being the one who liberated the living dead and now has to prove his innocence before the military arrive and pop a cap in his ass, this gives us our main timeline story to follow through. Life is never easy though and Chucky also has to find some zombrex for his brat every twenty four hours, plus he has to deal with a range of crazy nut bag psychos and try to rescue snivelling survivors… then of course there’s the small matter of millions of zombies everywhere. It sucks to be Chuck but its great fun for us!

It would be rude not to compare DR2 to DR1, and although there are allot of similarities there are also some fundamental changes. You can still use just about anything as a weapon but now you can combine items to create the ultimate zombie destruction device. Lash some petrol into a squirt gun and you have a portable BBQ pistol, or stick some nails into a gas cylinder to make a nail bomb and one of my favourites - combine a flash light and some gems - you get a light sabre, yeah! Cool or what! There are lots of mix and matches to try out and as you progress you can earn new weapon combo cards by completing tasks or by successfully combining items. This is a great idea and allot of fun, adding freshness to the usual zombie massacre! There are also way more vehicles scattered around, from motorbikes and cars to wheelchairs and dumpsters, all make for great zombie mincers when accessed with the added bonus of modding items for extra carnage, chainsaw on the bike and the electric wheel chair come to mind.

Food can be found all over the place and now is for more than just eating. Make some Jack Daniels petrol bombs or mess with the blender to recreate the smoothies we all know and love or just squirt some ketchup all over a zombie for some Dawn of the Dead style humour. Drink too much booze or eat any dodgy burgers, you will barf and barf and barf… sounds funny eh! Try fighting one of the psychos when ya can’t stop spewing all over the place - that will wipe the smile off your face pretty quick, Grrr! The ‘level up’ books are also scattered around but this time many of the bonuses learned in them require you to keep it in your inventory taking up a precious slot, which kinda sucks dead nuts! Just some of the perks include increased combat efficiency, extra PP points or making survivors better at fighting but none are mandatory and rarely make any massive difference. Usually I don’t bother with them at all, maybe just a quick flick if it’s one of those ‘special’ types… know what I mean?!

Missions in general are… OK and are allocated to you in much the same way as the origonal game, the annoying phone rings, usually when your in the middle of a zombie munching at you crotch. When you do answer the call you get the spec and the time allocated to complete it in. Your watch and mission menue are all easily accessable and well laid out. The directions to the task location come in the form of a pointer arrow, perhaps a GTA style nav system would have been better here but it does the trick I guess. Missions usually involve rescuing a survivor, running an errand or fighting a boss. All this is mostly enjoyable but the ‘wow’ factor seems to be missing and it just feels a lil bit repetitive, which I didn’t mind too much because it is still a lot of fun just to play in this environment.

There are multiple endings depending on what tasks you decide to follow or let pass… and of course the true ending will be revealed if you successfully complete all given story based missions. If you decide you couldn’t be arsed saving people or clearing your name and you are quite content to let Katy turn into a mini zombie, then you can! Continue to commit genocide on the dead or just mess about until the heavies arrive… then you die. There is no overtime mode after you complete the game and this is your best opportunity to get achievements and the like. That said, an overtime mode would have been better and is sorely missed in my opinion. Alternatively, follow all story paths and there is much more to see after Uncle Sam arrives, including some advanced zombies!

It is possible to do all objectives in one play through without too much frustration and some good time management, which is not something that you could really say about DR1. The return of the bat shit crazy psycho is stronger than ever and there are plenty to take on in DR2. Nut Jobs are generally humorous with some great cut scenes before and after the scrapping part. Each one can be taken down with a method or a good powerful combo weapon but most will require at least a second attempt.

Story mode bosses on the other hand are more of a pain in the ass and range from the reasonably difficult to the ‘throw your controller at the TV’ frustratingly difficulty. The last two battles in particular are not enjoyable and require allot of patience, they are the most frustrating boss fights in this game, I would like to tell you more about them but I don’t want to give away any spoilers so let’s just say they suck wrinkly boobs!! Before any boss encounter it is a good idea to stock up on some high level foods and smoothies, these head bangers may be dip shit crazy but they are usually tough enough to beat, so keep that in mind and save your game before hand!!

The survivor AI is way better than before and they are much easier to keep alive. Survivors can even be really helpful against zombies if you give them a weapon. They can watch your back while you gamble away your money or while you’re talking to other new members, just don’t bring them into boss fights, chances are they will die or just get in your way. Some of them are super sexy even if they are made of pixels, makes you wish that Chuck had an extra ‘Shag’ button!

Try not to dish out too much friendly fire while trying to save them from a pack of zombies or they will defect and perhaps turn on you, which is very annoying but over all they are a massive improvement over the retards in the first game! Something that did piss me off though was the conversations with survivors, it is all done through subtitles and it feels lazy. I thought that shit was left behind in the 90’s or reserved for Wii games, WTF Capcom?? Arg!

What of the meat headed, bags of shit, blood covered brainless walking dead heads I hear you ask… well they are just fine, thanks for asking. The variety of zombie is very good, from cops to strippers all look terrifyingly great as they moan and meander about, get too close and you are easily lunged upon and have to escape quickly before you become lunch. Some advanced zombies appear later on in the story and they are faster and tougher to kill, they are a real pain in the ass. But all zombies are basically annoying obstacles to get in your way and soon lose any ‘scary’ element that the living dead might usually have and are more of a pathetic comic relief than a terrifying adversary.

The shops and general level design is well constructed and the bright colours of Fortune City make it all very addictive on the eyes, although it must be said that it’s not all that ‘Vegas’ like, it could be any casino/entertainment based environment with a shopping mall built around it. Lots of fake branding and real life brands are scattered around the place, (mmm - Playboy) some rather humorous and are worth stopping for a quick look or just to graffiti them with a spray can, (hint) try the zombrex posters in particular! The casinos are a great place to find many mini games to earn cash or you could just wreck the joint and take the money that way. Try some bucking bronco, poker, running ball or just put on lots of different clothes, there is loads to investigate and mess around with. You will be exploring long after the actual story is finished.

Most of the game mechanics are the same as DR1, same level up system, same inventory setup but the actual responsiveness of the controls makes Chuck far less trouble than Frankie was to move about the place. Also the aiming setup has changed and works a bit better than previously. You also level by gaining ‘PP’ points just as before. This unlocks new inventory slots, health slots, fighting moves and sometimes weapon combo cards. Points are gained from just about everything with some greater bonuses for killing creatively and saving people, pretty much the same setup as before. Probably the most welcome change is the addition of several save slots, meaning you can fall back on saves when things go tits up or you just want to mess about without affecting your main game progression.

There is now also the co-op element which is nice but it is a missed opportunity to have done something really great. The guest player is also Chuck Green, which is a bit lame, and the guest can earn money and pp points but his game progress isn’t valid, basically just a hired hand. That said it is good fun just to join up and see who can do the most ridiculous atrocities against the dead head zombies and it is a good laugh.
That is not the only multi player aspect thankfully… There is a competitive mode where you and three other players get to slug it out on the show ‘Terror Is Reality’ which involves a series of clever mini games, most involving new and interesting ways of turning zombies into puree. Basically it’s a gladiator arena filled with zombies, genius eh! This is great fun and the mini games tend to vary quite well from match to match but in time they will all become too familiar and boring, unless more are added in the future. There is some DLC coming for DR2 which will involve better Co-op play allowing Chuck and Frank West (from DR1) to team up for some zombie splatting and it is possible that other DLC announcements will follow. If so then this makes owning Dead Rising 2 even more attractive.

This quirky humoured franchise is less about horror and more about tongue n cheek narrative smothered in critical analysis of American culture, almost to the point of blatantly taking the piss… But it has zombies, so that’s ok then! Love em or hate em, zombies are here to stay and are ingrained into our pop culture, especially games! This is an obsession that many can’t get enough of while others can’t stand it, personally I love the smell of a zombie BBQ in the morning and as a result I thoroughly enjoyed Dead Rising 2, flaws and all. It’s fair to say that if you didn’t like the original Dead Rising then this is not going to be your cup of blood and eyeballs. But if you are like me and love to chop off some zombie balls, impale some dead chicks and drink lots of booze in the process then this is the game for you. A good old meat beater!!

Looks good, enjoyable story line, good hack and slash stress relief - Buy it, Love it!!

Halo Reach Review - Just a little Rub or a good old Reach around?

Halo Reach
Bungie - Microsoft
Xbox 360




Here we go again, more Halo, more hype, more sycophant followers, and more assholes online than in second life. Welcome to Reach! If you’re already a Halo head then chances are you have splashed the cash on this already but for those that are Halo haters, I say to you - read on brethren and perhaps we can change your mind… unlikely, but perhaps! So let’s get into it like a two dollar whore zipping up the spandex, lashing on the cheap perfume and guzzling STD medicine, to see if we can sell you an ageing but firm piece of action.

Halo has always been a game of two half’s, the story mode and the matchmaking mode, just like two hot Swedish twins - although they share the same elements they offer completely different experiences. Reach, more so than any other Halo game simply must be judged on these two modes being separated but there is one element that both share that I feel is this game’s greatest asset, but I will justify that later on. So let’s massage the elements that single and multiplayer have in common first shall we…



Spartans are now fully customizable but at a price. You can earn credits that will allow you to dress up your main dude in all sorts of hard man or woman accessorises - no high heels please! This is a nice touch and a good idea if all a lil bit ‘Barbie’ and you rarely notice any changes on other online players as either you or they are dead very quickly after an encounter, so it’s really just to make you feel unique, which is fine. These customisations also affect your story mode Spartan, which is cool and allows you to appreciate your great fashion taste during cut scenes. You also level up as you earn credits, more cash means more level and this is earned in all game areas, the story mode, fire fight mode and of course where most of you’re levelling up will be done, in the multiplayer mode.

There is little in the way of additions to weapons or vehicles, most have all been seen before in Halo 3 with a small handful of subtle additions and changes but it could be argued that this keeps things consistent with the oncoming story of Halo that follows, plus they are still great fun to use. Same goes for Covenant forces, it is mostly the usual breed of aliens with the only real change being their rank and armour, which does have a good verity but it would have been nice to have seen a few new creations rather that just alterations.

Combat is all very familiar too with only subtle changes. Your aiming reticule now indicates how sharp your aim on a target is and duel wielding has been done away with altogether, yeah it’s OK – don’t have a cow man! Truth is ya don’t miss it. The new addition of armour abilities is a welcome one and it replaces the ‘deployment’ options of Halo 3. This is probably Reach’s strongest and freshest quality and it allows a player more diverse ways of facing an enemy. Armour lock, sprinting, bubble shields, invisibility, decoy and the best one, jet pack are some of the options for Spartans in both modes and for Elites in the multiplayer. These come in very useful in all areas of the game giving you an upper hand in combat or for just saving your ass. Ultimately it depends on your strategy and the weapons you choose to complement these armour abilities, the right set and a bit of skill can make you a fierce combatant.


Visually Reach looks the best so far, as you might expect. Human character models in the campaign are way better than in ODST which isn’t saying much but they are generally quite convincing. Effects, scenery, levels all look nicely polished and help set the atmosphere well with the aid of some immersive sound and music. Bungie being the high quality production house that they are you would expect no less and in fairness to them, they consistently deliver the fundamentals very well.

Remember I mentioned one great asset to beat them all, well here it is and although it’s a cheeky cheat on Bungies behalf, I felt it is the stroke of genius that has made Halo Reach so enjoyable… its level design! Now, now, don’t scoff. Yes, most of the multiplayer maps are from the story mode levels, yes that saves allot of redevelopment time and money while lacking variety but it actually has worked a treat because they are so well balanced and thought-out. Each one is very different to the next and I found myself admiring the subtle genius of each map in both modes. It is an easy element to get wrong so to get it right and for the maps to work so well for two distinct different game modes takes some clever design! There are also some exclusively online maps and for the most part these also work very well. In my opinion these are some of the best levels that Bungie have created to date!


So now let’s roll this hussy over and look at the campaign side of Reach. The story puts you in the shoes of ‘six’ a Spartan replacing an empty spot within ‘Noble’ team, which I thought was a crap, pansy name for a bunch of hard assed Spartans. Regardless, this is your lot and the team is made up of five other different stereotyped personalities, they are ok, their just a bit typical. Over the campaign you get to know each one a bit better but the truth is they are really just backup to get you through the game and add a bit of texture to the myth of the Spartans, which is fine but nothing wow really.

The backdrop story has mankind ripping itself apart with the colonists of space rebelling against the government, initially this is why you are even on the planet, to kick some terrorist booty, but it is soon revealed that Reach is actually under Covenant attack with a greater invasion on the way. The dirty aliens intend on wiping the planet clean of human meat heads and until the UNSC get their shit together and arrive to defend, you and whatever military currently stationed on the doomed surface are all that is left to fight back… your fucked and the rest is classified! I can’t tell you what else happens without spoilers, I can tell you there are appearances from some familiar faces that were in earlier Halo’s including the big Chief himself and that the ending is satisfying and even a little sad in a way! Keep your eyes peeled after the credits finish - that's all I'm saying... The rest needs to be played to be appreciated, oh and you lose, the aliens kick our ass… it was a waste of time, despite the near saves and your heroic efforts, the planet is still screwed! Ha!

I will say that I found the single player experience very enjoyable, more so than Halo 3 and I rather enjoyed the twists of the story and the locations it lead me through. Game play is generally hectic, fast paced combat with little to complain about, a solid fare.


There is a nice variety between vehicle combat levels and land based missions with nicely placed checkpoints along the way. It does become a try and learn system to get through a map but this can be said of most modern shooters and it is not an annoyance by any means just a little repetitive perhaps. NPC’s are pretty useless, being little more than human shields and the same goes for any ‘Noble Team’ dummy that you team up with but at least they can’t die. Forget about letting anyone else drive a vehicle, they need ‘L’ plates and are totally retarded behind the wheel, a chimp could do better! By a very unbalanced comparison the enemy AI is very good and depending on the difficulty setting they will have you gritting your teeth after being stuck with a plasma nade. They have also become great at dodging attacks and flanking, those dammed dirty aliens! Best of all, they can drive!! Properly!! Guess their driving lessons are better than Earths eh!

The overall atmosphere is strong and will draw you in enough so as you can’t hear the miss’s shouting at you to take out the trash. The closer you get to the ending the better the draw into a thin but enjoyable story becomes. It has its flaws too, there isn’t much it the way of boss battle types just waves and waves of mixed enemies and the new space dog fights are more of a short novelty than a long enjoyable romp, all pretty minor issues.
Overall I felt Reach’s story mode rubbed me up the right way and although it left me wanting more I will remember the experience fondly and re visit it in my head over and over, dirty thoughts! I haven’t enjoyed a shooter this much since Half Life 2 but perhaps that’s a subjective issue I guess… I’m not saying it’s the best game ever I’m just saying it’s a shit load of fun!

As enjoyable as the single player was it is the backside of this game! Where Halo truly has its money shot is in the multi player. I have already raved about the level design which is a big factor to any online experience but when you add some extremely clever game types, a fire fight mode and a bolloc load of customisation options, not to mention the level editor ‘Forge’, you have a tight lil package that is ready to please in every way possible. There is a great variety of familiar and new game types, the likes of the new ‘Headhunter’ has you picking up dead players skulls and trying to deposit them for points, it is just so fucking fun! Then there’s Invasion where a team of Spartans face off against a team of Elites and thrash it out. Throw in a map like ‘Spire’ and things get really, really mad! SWAT has you going for one shot one kill head shots and is the closest any Halo game is likely to get to the mighty ‘counter strike’.


There is also the usual big team and general slayer matches making this the best online Halo experience yet. The usual video editing options are there so you can share you finest moments on Bungie.net plus you can build your own crazy golf course and start whacking around your balls in forge, if that’s what tickles your daddy bag.

There is also fire fight mode which is hectic fun to play with friends or to just sharpen your skills. It is fully customisable, so if you want invincibility and skulls, fine, just turn em on it the options! There are even filters to help you try and weed out all the douche bags online or indeed to find them and compete in some ‘your momma’ type discussions! You can also register on Bungie.net and keep track of all your career stats which is fun and you may be entitled to have a special icon on you name tag as a result, depending on your past Halo experiences, all nice little extras.

There is just loads in the multiplayer portion of Reach, it will keep you oiled up and happy for ages and I have to say, yet again this is the most fun multiplayer experience I have had online in quite a while! That said, it is a shame that Bungie still have not addressed the issue of players dropping during a match, leaving everyone else shorthanded and set up for a loss. Sure there’s some bullshit penalty imposed on the dropper, nothing major mind you. Why could they not have looked into the Modern Warfare method eh? One man drops another enters soon after to take his place… arg. One big flaw, ya hear me Bungie?? Eh!!

All in all, Halo Reach is a quality title and gives you a lot of bang for your buck. Despite its few flaws and lack of originality it is the same Bungie balanced goodness it has always been but tweaked, perfected and improved. As Bungie’s last Halo game (so they say… hmmm) it is a good way for them to finish the series but still leave us wanting more. The Xbox will be a much duller place without Bungies Halo so enjoy it while it’s hot! If you didn’t like previous Halo titles then it is unlikely this will change it for you but ya sure as shit won’t know unless you try it, will ya?! For Halo fans this is more of the same but a bit better balanced, toned and firmed up, you will love it! Just like our two dollar whore with a crap name, this Halo will give a good old ‘Reach’ around to please and keep you up all night only to leave you wanting more, more, more!

Buy it and buy it now!!!

Splinter Cell Conviction - Demo Impressions. Worth the Hype?

Splinter Cell - Conviction Demo

Xbox 360







Well, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Conviction is released on the 16th of April (2010) which is only a few weeks away and the demo has been available for free on Xbox live for awhile and as always my first comment is this… play the god-dammed game demo for yourself, it’s the best way to Judge a game! If your too lazy or don’t have access to the demo then this one’s for you.

The newest Splinter Cell: Conviction is the fifth tale (not including the PSP title ‘Essentials’) of Sam Fisher and possibly the last I suspect… If you are expecting more of the same old hide, tippy toe, grab, kill, hide body, fade away or get killed - style of play then you’re in for a disappointment… or treat depending on your perspective.

The story seems to be a reasonably a good one, Sam’s daughter was killed by a drunk driver while he was away in ‘Chaos Theory’ but he now knows that it was set up by his former employers ‘Third Echelon’ and our hero is here to kick ass and chew bubble gum… and he’s all out of gum. This tale of revenge has Sam as a ronin outlaw on the edge and looking to kill the actual person who gave the nod for his daughters ‘accident’ for some much deserved testicular detachment. I suspect there will be twists and turns that will involve past characters along the way and a soap opera style reveal at the end but all that is to be discovered in the full game.



Visually the game looks good, I cannot say it is amazing or anything ground breaking but it is definitely of a high standard, animations are fluid and convincing and the sounds are weighty, giving atmosphere to the environments. Overall the production value is high but you would expect as much from the Ubisoft stable and a long running franchise such as this.

There are new game mechanics at work that favour combat over the stealth approach. When spotted by enemies Sam is now much faster to escape, takes less damage from attacks and is far more skillful at shooting on the fly. This for some gamers is a welcome change from the previous games where if you were spotted by a trigger happy terrorist you cold kiss your ass goodbye if you failed to escape quickly enough. It does however make the stealth approach optional with combat the easier option, which many Splinter Cell fans would say undermines the whole purpose of this franchise and will have its granddaddy titles like ‘Thief’ rolling in its grave. Others might welcome this new and fresh approach and feel it is needed to breathe life into a dying format.

The various vision modes and the usual gadgets are all still there and are much easier to access through a new selection system. The demo was not very informative in regard to the range of gadgets available (I imagine there will be new ones in the full game) but it would seem that you don’t need them at all as I got through the whole thing during a single play through without having to use even one optional item, only the mission crucial ones, which to be honest was a bit disappointing as it would have been a richer experience if tactics were needed to succeed. Weapons cannot be judged by the demo as only a limited supply are available but you can now poach ones dropped by fallen enemies which is pretty cool.



There are two new additions worthy of note, first is the ‘ghosting’ system which shows a transparent form of Sam in the environment, this represents where the enemy believes you to have been last, giving Sam the chance to either leave the bad man in a decoy area and sneak past, or to open a can of whoop-ass on the unsuspecting enemy. This is a pretty cool feature, though apart from the visual indicator it is not exactly revolutionary in Splinter Cell games as this is pretty much what players used their diversion gadgets for in the past. The other notable addition and change to the play style is a sort of auto targeting system for shooting grouped enemies. Accomplishing ‘stealth kills’ will build up an ‘adrenalin bar’, when this is full you are then able to mark two (possibly more in the full game?) targets from a position of cover and then press shoot, Sam will then follow a pre-determined animation of taking down the two baddies in one quick attack. This does keep the pace of the game moving but it takes the skill and chance of failure out of the player’s hands and it all feels a bit automated.



Mission briefings are replaced by text on surfaces that instruct you on what to do or where to go next and are a clever idea and keeps the pace flowing as there is no need for a menu or cut scene so overall it is a plus.. I guess. The ‘AI’ does not seem to be too high, dummies… I mean, enemies are easily led to their death and even when in open combat they seem slow to react and generally sluggish only posing a real danger when in groups of three and more. Even on a higher skill level they seemed a bit retarded but their bullets just did more damage. Listening to their prattle talk can be fun and getting a poor bastard in a choke grip and using him as a human shield is satisfying though not a new feature. What is strange though is you no longer can carry and hide an incapacitated victim… which is a real shame.



Environments have sufficient hiding and grappling areas which were enjoyable to tackle with only the odd frustration of falling or missing a ledge to grab when being chased. There are lots of dark areas to hide and lights to shoot or turn off adding to the strategic plan if you do decide to play that way. Though quite well designed your path through the level is pretty obvious, perhaps a little too much so and overall a bitlinier. In saying that, it is only a starting or instructional level so I imagine the full game maps will be of a improved standard.

There will also be a multiplayer aspect bundled in, this promises some good co-op play and online competitive action. If previous attempts of Splinter Cell multiplayer games are anything to go on then that could well be this titles strongest and most enjoyable aspect… but we shall have to wait and see.


It would not be the first time that a demo can give a misleading impression to gamers. I am hoping that this is one of those times because I cannot say this is quite the title that I was personally expecting, although I’m sure it will be enjoyable enough. For gamers that have played all of the Splinter Cell games and indeed other Tom Clancy tactical shooters such as Ghost Recon and Rainbow Six, they might well fell that ‘Conviction’ is all a bit ‘arcade’ like or ‘dumbed down’. People new to splinter cell and more casual players might enjoy this new approach more so and gladly leave behind getting caught up in finer details or punishing scenarios found in previous versions of Splinter Cell. There seems to be an easy learning curve and less of a challenge compared to its predecessors and less in the way of skilled strategic shooter elements, resulting in more fluid progression with more automated scenarios… so depending on your perspective, this is either very good or very bad.

Personally I will miss the strategic elements, although I do feel that the Splinter Cell IP did need an overhaul to make it fresh, this is not the approach I would have hoped for… (Queue the rotten fruit and veg throwing). There are lots of shooters on the market, and if that’s what I want then it’s easy to get my grubby gaming hands on one… finding a good sneak em up is a much more difficult task. An unpopular opinion I imagine given the hype and anticipation surrounding this title but an honest one all the same. I imagine that the success, true strength and perhaps the saving grace of Splinter Cell Conviction, for most gamers, will be the depth of the story and atmosphere, which appears to be simple but solid. Perhaps it will be enough to fill in the cracks for any other short comings it may have. Hopefully the demo is only a narrow view into what I hope will be a great gaming experience… Gadgets crossed eh!

Dantes Inferno - The Review.

Dantes Inferno EA, Visceral Games, Xbox 360, PS3, PC










There has been a bolloc load of hype around this hack n slasher prior to release and a bit of a hate campaign after, so with all the marketing and media surrounding this title it is fair to say that the essential truth about Dante’s inferno has been lost in the mix and that is – Does it suck like a 20 stone midget on a milkshake or is it the angelic blood fest we want it to be?
After playing the demo I was not impressed and felt very let down as I really wanted to like this game. The idea of taking the works of Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy from the 14th century and bringing it into the twenty first century as the basis for a game - to me is absolute genius! Keep in mind that EA and Visceral games are not trying to rewrite this classic poem, it is only the premise for a great romp through Hell itself and a pretty smart marketing angle too. Hopefully other publishers will adopt this type of concept and tie it into their games as some have in the past (Bioshock - influenced by Atlas Shrugged from author Ayn Rand), it can potentially add a great deal of weight and depth if done well.
By now we all know the premise of Dante’s Inferno as far as the game is concerned… Dante is one serious bad ass doing God’s work by butchering Muslims during the Crusades. Turns out that was a crock of shit and all he has been really doing is racking up hell points for himself, Duh! Making a long story short Dante finds out that his hot blond bird ‘Beatrice’ has been killed and is promised to Hell because of his sins. Dante of course follows her into Hell with some divine help from a holy ghost by the name of ‘Virgil’. At this point you have to start a journey through the nine circles of the underworld and the fun begins!



So let’s get on the highway to hell and see just how hot this game is or is not. First off, the game looks great. Visuals are rich and colourful giving a good fell of being in various areas of Hell. Attention to detail is very strong and there always seems to be something going on in the background. Levels like ‘Gluttony’ are suitably gooey, snotty and gross while the likes of ‘Lust’ are suitably raunchy in a sick way… it’s all sexy dangly bits everywhere, more old age pensioner than playboy mansion though. Each of the areas through hell are suitably customised and well designed in relation to their theme while the moaning and groaning of lost souls echoes through the background screams. The atmosphere is well executed in sight and sound and at times is almost a bit pee you’re your pants freaky. Animations and models are also of a high standard, the whole 60fps trick that Visceral Games have used seems to have worked well. There is a reasonable variety of enemies to bash and the list grows as you go through each circle of Hell but quite often you will face the same demon drones, with the special level types popping in for a kicking every now and then. Combat is pretty basic… You have Deaths scythe and the holy crucifix to combat enemies, the scythe extracts evil points in the form of souls and the cross good points. These souls unlock skills which come in the form of extra health, stronger attacks, and combo moves. You will also meet dammed famous figures of history and myths that require your judgement, condemn or absolve, the choice is yours, but these decisions will influence your dark or light power points. Collectibles come in the form of Relics and Judas coins, these also add to your pool of souls while the relics can be equipped and upgraded giving an array of benefits. All of this will help you get access to evil abilities or good ones, you can spread them out over both disciplines, but it really has little impact on the overall game as to which side you invest in. Executing new moves is as easy as pulling the legs of a beellez-bug and requires little in the way of complex brain to finger function. You can mix it up by trying out the various options of combos but you really don’t need to, basic chopping or shooting crucifixes will do the trick with the odd need to shield or dodge. You could say this is too basic and simple or you could look at it that it doest get in the way of fluid progression. Either way slicing off demon heads or hacking at a bunch of evil babies is still a fun experience. This can become a bit repetitive but it never really gets boring and if you do decide to try and learn the combos then it will keep it even fresher. In Hell size matters, bosses are massive and impressive to look at but lack little in the way of a punch for the most part. Beating the hell spawn upper elite is pretty easy and usually involves a basic ‘rinse and repeat’ method, but again it is enjoyable rather that annoying. You will even have some objectives that involve controlling giant demons like a vehicle and these, although a bit token, are enjoyable and change the pace giving a break from the button bashing. Eventually you will confront the devil himself, who is actually quite a cool dude despite his need to show off the twig and giggleberries on a regular basis, well it is hot down there I guess. Then there’s the sexy Beatrice who is almost always naked, being fondled by bad men and giving Dante a constant guilt trip… ungrateful cow! Minos will try and crush ya, Cleopatra will try and screw ya, Mark Anthony will try and poke ya, Gluttons will try and eat ya, and the rest will just try and kill ya in colourful ways. It’s fair to say that Dante is having a pretty shit day! The holy freak Virgil will guide you on your way through all this giving his down beat advice and generally being a misery. Thanks for nothing ya ectoplasmic freak in a dress!

Overall it’s fair to say that Dante’s Inferno is nice on the eyes and enjoyable to play while simple to get through even on the top difficulty setting but what makes this stand out from the crowd just that little bit is its story and theme. The game is a bit short and easy to rip through and holds little in the way of a challenge but it does this wrapped up in beautiful visuals and fluid fun button bashing that has a story compelling enough for you to want to know what comes next. The in-between cut scenes are top quality and really enrich the atmosphere of it all. That said it feels like there could have been more added to the game, especially in terms of game length and enemy variety but perhaps I’m just being greedy… It does have a flavour that many of the early PS2 ‘hack n’ slash’ games did and feels quite nostalgic, at least to old fogies like me. And yes, this is basically God of War but that’s not such a bad thing especially for PC and Xbox owners.

If you like button bashers, demons, game nudity, buckets of bloody gore, biblical overtones and hero saves the day kinda stuff then you will thoroughly enjoy this romp through Hell, it’s just good old fun with lots of boobies, some bigger than a truck… honest! If you’re looking for innovate, high brow style game play, then leave Dante in Hell. What you really want to know is should you Buy, Rent, or Pass? Well there is some DLC coming for this soon so that will add multiplayer, that could influence your decision but if ya couldn't give a demon’s dick about such things then renting is probably a good idea. Chances are you will play through this once, maybe twice but then it’s gonna become a dust collector or trade in for most people. I really enjoyed Dante’s Inferno so if that’s a sin then send me to Hell, I have to say I am looking forward to the sequels which I imagine will be ‘Dante’s Purgatory’ then ‘Dante’s Paradise’, this would complete the Divine Comedy (Look it up you lazy people) but of course with a Visceral Games twist added. That said one man’s Heaven is another man’s Hell… I really enjoyed this but it’s really a matter of taste, if ya don’t like it spit it out but it’s worth chewing!

Dante's Inferno Demo Impressions - Hot or Not?

Dante's Inferno - Demo Impressions.
Xbox 360
PS3
PC

EA, Visceral Games.









Well, the Dante's Inferno free demo was released on the PS3 and Xbox 360 just before Christmas and is now available to all. If you haven't got your dirty lil hands on it yet I suggest you do and see what you make of it for yourself. Our opinion's on the demo here at Reaper Towers are quite split... Mr Exciting Alien hated it, he thought the 2D cut scenes were nothing short of amateur and the game play is repetitive and boring old hack n' slash button bashing that gave no satisfaction... ooo harsh!! But he has a point. Although I don't think Dante's Inferno is quite that bad, I was very disappointed, I really thought this ticked all the boxes for a top end experience and given all the great Dev Diary's we have seen and shared over the past months I was expecting more... As we tear the soul from this demo do keep in mind that it is just a demo and the kind of game a player will love or hate depending on a gamers taste of game type, so do the best review possible before you decide... play it for yourself! In the meantime here's my two cents...

The environments are rich and well executed with visuals in general very pleasing. The characters and animations are also very good with a nice variety of hell spawn enemies to chop up. Unfortunately, the camera can be a pain in the ass and swings wildly at times, which is frustrating during battles. Controls are over complicated (but this can be said for most hack and slash games) which means you rely on the basic attacks for the most part and accidentally end up doing combos. Cut scene timed button bashing is here in mass, the game is overdosed with this feature and is just overdone... it is OK here and there but when its all the time it becomes repetitive and annoying. Combat is fast paced but again becomes a button masher with little in the sense of satisfying attacks, it all just feels weightless.
You have a sort of path choice to make which is cool, you can save your enemies souls as you dismember their bodies through the power of good in the form of a divine crucifix which gives you good brownie points or chop em up with Deaths scythe and this will give you nasty points, basically its like force power but without bath robes and beards. As you fill up on good and evil souls you are allowed to level up abilities, personally I thought this menu setup looked and functioned awkwardly and could potentially become annoying at later stages, but it does open up some useful powers and there is a good sense that Dante is getting more powerful with each advancement.
There seems to be a good atmosphere and story to the game which may be its strongest feature, that said it is far from perfect... A point in case is where you have a chat with 'Death' himself during battle and he comes across as a moany little bitch when ya start kicking his ass... it just felt... immature or silly. On the up side there is a part of the demo where you control a giant demon allowing you to bite off enemy heads and relive your Godzilla fetish for a few moment, mmm yummy! The overall experience is middle of the road with a few high points, it is not a bad game but it is no God Of War either, unfortunately! As it stands, if you love hack n' slash games then play it through and trade it in when it gets boring, if you are not a big fan of this type of game I don't think there is much here to change your opinion...

I think that Dante's Inferno has the potential to be a Good game... not a Great one as originally hoped. If EA and Visceral Games start spending as much time and effort cleaning up the games shortcomings as they have spent on their hype machine then we could have a real kick ass experience here... but at the moment it is a title destined to purgatory I fear... I know its only a demo but the omens are not good, sort it out dev dudes, make Hell a nice place to be!!!

FIFA 10 Review

Fifa 10

EA Sports

Xbox 360
PS3







Well, it's that time of the year folks when EA, THQ (amongst others) come along and hypnotize to monopolise you're hard earned euros with a glorified update of the previous years title release. Now, we've all grown weary of the bells and whistles thrown about the place and empty promises to 'change the way you play games forever' but no matter, we still splash the cash! So with about as much surprise as the moment your girlfriend waves an Xbox controller about as if it's a Wii wand comes along the mighty EA with the equally mighty Fifa 10. They say it's ground breaking so let's take a look under the hood.....

Firstly let's get the whole FIFA V PES out of the way, simply put this is better, on many levels. A blinding loyalty to PES has always been the modus operande here at Reaper Towers as long back as I can remember, but something strange happened a couple of years ago. Konami fell asleep in their Toyotas and along came EA who like 'em or lump 'em pushed the football game in the absolute right direction. Capitalizing on the 'Sim' quality brought to the genre with PES, EA got it just right with fluid controls, full and licensed rosters, brilliant manager modes and create-a-player that was second to none. We were (like Lindsey Lohan) swayed, and you were too!

Now 900 billion trillion copies* later we have just laid Fifa 09 to rest and wrapped our goalie gloves around Fifa 10 which is, if you pardon the expression, a perfect ten. So, what's new? Lot's actually...

Much has been written about the brand new 360 control, and surprisingly it is as good as they say it is. Although only slightly different than previous eight way player movement it's enough to completely change the entire feel of the game allowing measurably superior first touches and runs with the ball. For the first time you actually feel like you're playing football as opposed to playing a game, creating a real immersion that you never knew was missing. This feeds in to the new player dynamics where weight and speed are represented brilliantly and effectively. You know intuitively when a player can take a player on the ball, that said however, as much as I like to feel Ashley Cole's player dynamics I'd rather feel his wife....

Moving on you'll notice on the pitch everything just works better, from attacks at goal to passing dynamics to defensive abilities a little tweaking has helped a lot. In previous incarnations a defender found himself in the way of a shot on goal almost by mistake, where as now it's brilliantly animated when a shot is blocked. This adds an immediacy that was lacking and a sense of urgency when trying to get the ball in the back of the net...

Free kicks have also had an overhaul from the ground up. At the practice mode screen you can access create a set-piece, which might be construed as 'fiddly' but with a little time and patience you will have some seriously effective goal scoring chances that you can take online. I know the purists out there would probably like it 'harder' to score like this but by freeing up the chances of a screaming goal EA have put the responsibility on the defensive play to try keep it clean around the box, a change most welcome.

Outside of the pitch some new developments have also taken place. Players can now share their faces on-line via the My Virtual Pro Game Face option, create your player and splash your mug on it via the EA website (Mac users can't do this at the moment... Typical). Probably a bit pointless for girl gamers and people with fat faces but a fun tool none-the-less. You can bring said player through all sorts of skill curves and build up his ability over all modes including the practice arena, this can be great fun and especially handy for setting up your own team on-line with your mates. Live Season, allowing you to play in real life fixtures, returns in the form of 2.0, which 'Goddammit EA!! costs MONEY. This whole idea of paid for content really gets my grits. Was my initial money not good enough? It's like paying for a seat in McDonald's... Won't be buying that.

Manager Mode is, as ever, totally immersive and excellently executed. Full control is on offer here for those who fancy themselves as 'De Gaffer' from player health and tactics to ticket prices and player transfers. Word to the wise though, these players want a lot of money if they're gonna move to your club, so just give it to them... I hate Ronaldo. Also remember to turn off auto save to avoid those crucial losses and moments of madness where you throw your controller through your shiny HD tele...

The Menu system has been modestly improved and stream lined a bit better than last year and the load times have improved also. The gut's of the game are all still there, including the commentating of Andy Gray and Martin Tyler which really add to the atmosphere of a 'Big Game Match' although they're especially hard on poor old Van Persie, constantly reminding you that he's had a bad season. Wonder what he did to EA? But it's exactly this precise tie-in that makes you appreciate the importance of licensing to this title, reminding us not to take for granted everything reflecting real life, from kits to stadiums.

On-line play is fantastic and seeded to your skill level and in terms of racking up the points, highly, highly addictive. It's an integral part of the appeal of Fifa and EA seem to understand this, in turn building on it year in year out. And at time of review a notable drop in connection losses with your opponent, a problem that dogged '09 in my opinion.

Xbox achievements got a slight overhaul also, whereas you might expect 'header' 'free kick' and 'distance goals' to make a return, they don't. It seems to be mostly centred around Manager Mode and Virtual Pro which forces you to really delve in to the one player option and two player lounge modes. Fine by me, changes things a little and keeps it fresh. For those with a PS3, bad news, the graphics and fluidity are superior on the Xbox and on-line is better also.

The only real problem I can find with Fifa 10 is the inclusion of the Dutch side. I don't like them, wooden shoes and big women.

In closing, a great game indeed. It's not perfect and I'm sure as you play through you'll find little glitches but so far, so very good. EA have listened and responded satisfactorily as far as I'm concerned. From the minute you load this puppy up it's obvious that you're dealing with much more than a game. It's a community, a world within a world and a really great social game. From the frustration to the almost orgasmic satisfaction of scoring a winner in the last minute this title runs the gamut of emotion, exalting the highs and lows of the real life beautiful game and packaging it in a shiny little disc for your Xbox pleasure. How do EA improve on this? I'm not sure they can.

Blind Side G's Verdict: Get it!

P.S Avoid Exciting Alien if you want to win a match...